


You're half a monster

by lunamoon531



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Answer will be at end of chapter, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Frisk Needs A Hug, GET AWAY BAD DREAMS!, If I remember, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Just give everyone a hug!, M/M, Mute Frisk, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Reader Is Frisk, Self Confidence Issues, Self Harm, Self-Hatred, Some chapters will have cipher codes, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, frisk slowly speaking more and more, oops forgot to mention that, past self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6262564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunamoon531/pseuds/lunamoon531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frisk has been abused by there mother and hurt by bullies at school until on there 11 birthday they pack some things and leave to disappear at Mount Ebott, everyone knows the stories but that's exactly why some people go there. But will Frisk finds what they expected or will they find a home?</p><p>The thought of finding a home, it fills you with DETERMINATION.</p><p> </p><p>(ABANDONED)<br/>(Edit 2018 omg I just found this again and I cannot help but feel a mixture of cringe and oddly proud at this...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At Memory's Mercy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction and I was just going through some tough times and one of my friends suggested to write a story so... uh here *hands people chapter one* hope you like it.
> 
> Sorry about any grammatical mistakes ill go through and correct any that i find.
> 
> The first two chapters will be of Frisks past and what they are going to do now and i'm planning on writing most chapters with at least 3000 words. Ill probably post at least once every 5-8 days so yeah.. that's it for now and enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah! Chapter beta-ed!
> 
> ...What are you talking about, I'm not childish.

Frisk is your name, you are a short girl and you have shoulder length brown hair and dark mocha eyes with a strange type of red swirl in them and you squint most the time.

 

You're sitting in the corner of your room, holding a pair of scissors in your hand, a long trace of scarlet running down your leg. You know it’s bad and that you shouldn't, but sometimes everything is just too much and you just want to feel anything other then what you feel otherwise. Mom doesn't care, Dad's gone, and you are alone with the burden of your thoughts.

You think back to when you were just three years old. Those days are the happiest that you can remember, but it didn't last long. It never lasted long.

 

The days when you'd walk hand in hand with your parents, kicking August leaves and making snowmen were all long gone. About 2 weeks after your fourth birthday, Dad packed all his things into a bag and suitcase before coming to your room and explained that he was leaving. You were naïve and asked when he'd be back. He had tears in his eyes when he replied.

 

_==========_

 

_"Oh, sweetie, I’m not coming back... ever. I'm so so sorry sweetheart, but I just wasn't ready for this... for you. Goodbye, and please be good, ok?"_

" _But... but Daddy please don't go!" You started to cry and clung onto him. "Please don't leave us.... I’ll be better I promise... so ... so please stay!"_

 _"Darling, I’m sorry, I really am, but I just can’t do this anymore."_  G _ently he pushed away from you. ”Be good for Mom, ok? "_

_You gave in and just nodded gravely "But...but will you visit me? Please?" He didn't reply, just ruffled your hair and walked out of the room._

_A few minutes later you could hear Mom shouting and you walked out of your room to see what was happening,_

_"HOW DARE YOU LEAVE US LIKE THIS!" Mom screamed._

_"Listen, this just isn't working, ok? Frisk is just too much of a responsibility for me, and we're hardly getting by in finances, what with the apartment bill and everything that Frisk needs." You started crying again, it was all your fault. You ruined everything._

_"THAT'S NO REASON TO LEAVE US YOU... YOU COWARD!"_

_"Please Mom stop fighting! And Dad, I’m sorry... I ... I don't want you to leave!" You stop seeing the look on your Dad's face. The moment you saw that look you knew his patience had snapped._

_He's walking towards you with his hand held high. You want scream or run away but you’re frozen in fear._

_"You... YOU LITTLE BRAT," he strikes your face with his fist hard and you fall to the floor, crying and whimpering._

_"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? ANSWER ME YOU LITTLE PARASITE!" He kicks your leg and you let out a muffled scream._

_"...Y...yes...I’m...I’m sorry daddy!" You cry, slowly sit up, and put your knees up to your chest "Please don't hurt me..... P... please."_

 

_==========_

 

You shake your head, not wanting to relive that memory anymore in fear that you'll start to cry.

Crying just made everything worse.

 

==========

 

_After Dad left, Mom started to treat you worse and worse. At first it was just shouts of various angry phrases._

_"GET OUT!”_

_"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"_

_"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU BRAT!"_

_But as time went by she stopped calling you by your name, Frisk, and took to calling you things like ‘BRAT’, 'LITTLE SHIT' and when in company didn't call you anything at all. Two months went by and one day she snapped. You had asked if you could have something to eat and she had turned to you, malice on her face._

_"...no..... NO... NO, YOU CAN’T, AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? WELL OF COURSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHY, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Suddenly she walked up to you, holding her hand up high ready to smack you. You cowered away and started crying, but it only set her off more._

_"STOP IT! YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS, YOU DON'T NEED TO CRY, YOU’RE JUST A PARASITE, USING UP ALL OF MY WAGES AND JUST GETTING IN THE **GOD. DAMNED**.  **WAY! AND IF I SEE YOU CRYING AGAIN THEN YOU'LL REGRET IT!"**_

_A vicious slap echoed across your face._

_You’re sobbing now and you can’t stop, it just hurts so much and she keeps on hitting you until you’re just a little shivering ball on the floor._

_You made sure that you hardly ever cried in her presence again after that._

 

==========

 

Slowly you open your eyes and shiver as your bedroom door creaks open. Hastily you stuff the scissors behind you and cover your legs with an old blanket. Mom walks in with a small plate in which sits two plain biscuits, an apple, and a glass of water.

"Take it, brat, before I change my mind."

You just nod knowing that your opinion wasn't wanted and didn't matter. You take the plate and glass with shaky hands after signing a quick 'thank you'.

Mom just walks away with a huff, mumbling under her breath. You know what she's grumbling about. She hates it when you speak, but she also hates that you've taken to sign language now. You stopped talking completely when you were around 5 and a half.

 

==========

 

_You can’t speak, it’s like your throat has just closed up and your tongue is tied in a knot. Mom had taken to hitting you more and more often, mostly when she was drunk._

_But did you hate her? Did you ever retaliate? No, you just couldn't bring yourself to hate anyone, really. You had never hated anyone before and you didn't think you ever would. The thought of hating a person like you hated being hit was disgusting to you, you knew that Mom didn't really HATE you because she always checked up on you every so often, asked if you were 'ok' and you'd just nod but inside you were slowly breaking._

_On your fifth birthday you got up, got dressed, and went to the kitchen to wait for Mom to get up._

_...But nobody came._

 

_It had been an hour and you had gone through the whole apartment looking for her, but she was nowhere to be seen._

_At around 4 PM, Mom finally came home. You had been crying for hours, not caring that you felt starving since you'd given up on breakfast and just sobbed in your room through lunch,_

_"What’s wrong?" She asked you, but you couldn't speak._

_"What the hell are you crying about?"_

_"I... It's my birthday-" A small sob wormed it's way into your voice. "-a-and you-" A hiccup this time. "-weren't here, a_ _nd I couldn't find you!" You paused as you realized your mistake of words. "I'm s-sorry Mom!" But she didn't want to hear it._

_"You... YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT, I WAS OUT HAVING A BREAK FROM YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY THING TO CRY ABOUT, SO JUST BE GLAD THAT YOU’RE NOT ON THE STREETS! AND DO NOT EXPECT A PRESENT EITHER, GOD KNOWS I CANT AFFORD THAT KIND OF STUFF!"_

_"I'm sorry, Mommy... I-I won’t do it again, I promise!" You held back more tears, and you can almost hear your heart breaking at Mom’s next words,_

_"I am not your 'Mommy,' and you are not my daughter, you are a monster, nothing more, and nothing less! Just a waste of space! **Just. A. God. Damned. MISTAKE!"**_

_As she says the last words she slaps your face twice, before kicking your trembling form._

_"And **MONSTERS** like you don't have ANY feelings, you are empty, you are just a  **parasite** and you know it! In fact,  **I. WISH. YOU. NEVER. EXISTED. YOU. MONSTER.**_

_From that day on you stopped talking, stopped hoping that it would all get better, and excepted that you were to suffer._

_After all, you were a monster._

 

_=== 3 weeks later ===_

 

_After a while, you began to go out and explore your area when Mom was out or at work. You had started to collect any money that you found lying on the pavement or streets, until after around 5 weeks you had managed to collect £4.76 and got the courage to go out and buy a sign language book, since you didn't talk anymore._

_The old lady at the book store had looked at you with pity when you had put the book on the counter and tried to give her the money. She just smiled kindly and said,_ _"Oh no, my dear, it’s on the house," You gave her a puzzled look "That means that you don't have to pay for it, pop-kin. Have a nice day, dear, goodbye."_

_You smiled at her and nodded your head in thanks, then waved goodbye and left with the book and money._

_When you got home you put the book under your pillow, then the money in Mom’s purse. It was the least you could do._

 

_========== one year later ==========_

_It was your first day at school. Your birthday had been around two months ago, and now you were six years old. For the past year you’d been learning sign language in all of your spare time, and now you knew all the basics and were quite good at it. There was still a long way to go, but you had time to improve. You walked to school since Mom said that she didn’t have time to take you and you couldn’t get the bus because you didn’t have any money to pay for it._

_So Monday to Friday you got up at 7 am and dressed for the day, then made yourself a bowl of cereal, made sure that you had everything you needed in the little brown backpack that Mom had given you, saying that she didn’t need it anymore, and walked for around 30 minutes to school and arriving about 15 minutes before the bell rang._

_For a six year old, you were surprisingly smart, since in your spare time - from four to six - you’d taught yourself how to read and write, and learning sign language helped as well since it involved pure memory skill to know it by heart, so you had a very good memory as well. But you knew that you had to learn other things as well like maths, science, and history._

_So there you were, walking to your first day of school, and you only just realized that you’d only talked to four other kids in your life before, and they were all before and when you were three. You wondered if the children at school would be nice to you, you had read story books were people were bullied and you didn’t want that to happen to you at all. But as luck would have it as you were entering the school gates, an older boy pushed you to the ground saying,_ _“Oops, sorry I didn’t see you there." He mock-coughed loudly, and you were sure you heard the word 'midget' in the sound. He sneered and walked away._

_He was right though, you were short, and you’d realized how short you were compared to the kids in your class when you entered the classroom. It seemed like the teachers towered over you at first, but you got used to it._

_In your first class, you walked up to the teacher - whose name was Miss Elinda - and gave them a note that you’d written this morning. It explained that you didn’t talk, but that you could read and write, as well as do sign language. Miss Elinda looked you over and nodded._ _“You must be Frisk, the new student, yes?” You nod. “Well then, Frisk, you can sit on the second row next to Sal. She is the girl with the black hair in a ponytail, ok?”_

_You nod again and sit down at the desk Miss Elinda had indicated. ‘So far so good.’ You think._

_“Hello, I’m Sal. You must be the new student.” You turn, and sure enough, a girl with a black ponytail is sitting on the desk beside you._

_You hastily write a note saying that you don’t talk, but Sal just looks at it, puzzled, and asks what it says. Fortunately, you’re saved having to try and get her to understand when Miss Elinda tells the class to be quiet._

_“Settle down class, settle down. Today I would like to introduce Frisk, a new student. Come on up Frisk, and don’t worry, I’ll explain everything.” Reluctantly you stand up and make your way to the front of the class, careful not to bump into anyone._

_“This is Frisk. Now, I need you all to listen carefully to what I have to say next, ok?” There was a general murmur of ‘Ok.' and the teacher continued, “Frisk doesn’t talk. Instead they use sign language. That is when someone uses their hands to make signs that mean words but with no sound.” You smile sheepishly and sign a ‘Thank you.’ to the teacher, and then ‘Hello.’ to the class._

_“Now, this may be surprising, but I know sign language quite well, and so for this term the class will spend one hour at the beginning of school every day to learn the basics of sign language. OK, class?”_

_“Ok, miss." the class say, most with a look of interest, while others just nod and look bored._

 

_=== At break time ===_

_“So, you’re the new kid that doesn’t talk?” You nod, turning to look at the older boy that had pushed you this morning. You can feel your heart rate quicken in fear._

_“Huh…. Guess you could say that you’re a mute midget then?” He laughs darkly and a couple of sneering girls stand next to him and laugh too._

_“Hey, Lens, found a new play thing?” The girl on the left with curly hair asks the boy, Lens, while the other girl with bunches sniggers into her hand._

_“Yeah, Tiff, they're a new kid and they can’t talk! How perfect is that, Lola? Couldn’t snitch if they wanted.” He smirks, obviously sharing an inside joke with the girl called Lola._

_“Hey there kid, what would you say to a little trip to knuckle town?” The girl who you assume is called Tiffany asks, but then blurts out laughing. “… Oh, wait." Her sentence in interrupted by a fit of giggles. "You can’t! You can’t have your say in it because you can’t talk!” Lens and Lola burst out laughing too now, so deciding to take a chance, you slowly turn around and start to walk away, but only six feet forward you feel a strong grip on your shoulder keeping you from going anywhere._

_“Wait one moment, midget, we're not done with you yet. See, we have a little game that we like to play, here’s how it works: Every year we pick out a student and every year we give that person hell, and the only rules there are, are these, 1. You are not allowed to tell ANYONE. Wait, you can’t." He laughed, before composing himself and continuing. "2. Me, Lola and Tiffany are able to punch, slap, kick, tease, and bully you however we want. But don’t worry, we won’t get to carried away… much…” he grins and Lola says “Understand, midget?” You carefully remove Lens' hand from your shoulder and take in a deep breath, readying yourself to speak for the first time in over a year._

_“….. N-no…..I-I won’t." They look shocked, and for a moment and you think you’ll get away with it, but Lens' eyes grow cold and suddenly you're being knocked to the floor onto your back and Lens foot is over your throat while Lola and Tiffany give you dirty looks that say all too well ‘You shouldn’t have done that’._

_Lens starts to apply pressure onto your already dry throat and you can’t breathe. You try to move, but in a flash, Tiffany and Lola are holding you down and your vision is dotted with black spots until blissful air fills your lungs again and you're let up._

_“Why won’t you cry?” Lens says as he slaps you across the face, “Why don’t you just cry already?”_

_You couldn’t cry, you wouldn’t even if they killed you. You were DETERMINED not to cry._

_You shake your head and try to leave again only to have the same result, but rougher, and you find yourself on the floor again, being kicked and kicked by the girls and punched in the stomach by Lens. It hurts, all you can feel is pain and you wish they would stop already, but you don’t hate them, no, you can’t hate them, nor can you hate anyone else. But you know that there is one being that you hate: yourself. After all, you’re a monster._

 

==========

 

You stop yourself and start to eat the biscuits and apple. You always save the water since you know that you won’t get any more when you finish it. You know that you’re probably much too skinny to be healthy, but there isn’t much that you can do about it, is there?

Once you’ve finished your food, you slowly stand up and place the water on your desk, then proceed to wipe the blood off of your leg and scissors with an almost completely red soaked cloth.You needed to stop, but it was your only way to counter the pain now.

You remember one of the last things that your dad said to you: "Wh _en you bang your toe or hit your elbow, bite your finger until all you can concentrate on is how you finger feels so that you forget about any other injuries”_

And you did just that, when you were slapped, when you’d cut your hand, when you were kicked, when you’d cut your ankle, and so on. But soon you’d disappear soon. You’d be at rest soon. The plan was to pack your backpack with two apples, a bottle of water, and a spare jumper. Then walk out of the town and onto the path that leads to Mt. Ebott. You’d read every book you could find about the mountain in the local library, and it sounded quite nice to just disappear. Then again there were always the stories of monsters, but even If they were real, you’d probably die, so in the end it was decided. After all, you were a monster too.

 

No. No one would ever care about you. **N O** **O N E.**


	2. Reminicings of pain and plans of escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmm so yeah, updated sooner then I thought I would, but that's not a bad thing I guess.
> 
> This chapter will be of Frisk explaining there plan to escape to Mount Ebott and a few more short memory's.
> 
> They will also be doing there plan of action as well.  
> Also this might come in handy for this and later chapters.
> 
> A=T B=U C=V D=W E=X F=Y G=Z H=A I=B J=C K=D L=E M=F N=G O=H P=I Q=J R=K S=L T=M U=N V=O W=P X=Q Y=R Z=S
> 
> Beta read by TheyDroveMeMad thank you so much! :-)

==========

Tomorrow is your eleventh birthday, and Mom says she’ll be out of town for a few days to visit some old friends.

 

Even after all she’s done to you, knowing that she won’t be there for your birthday still fills your heart with a hollow emptiness that makes you want to just cling to mom and tell her… tell her…

 

No. You don’t have feelings. You’re a monster and monsters aren’t allowed feelings. You’d been taught that long ago.

_ === Your sixth birthday === _

_ You wake up to the sound of birds chirping, with the sun lighting up your normally dark and dull room. For the first time in a while, you smiled, in fact, you positively grinned until your cheeks hurt. It was your sixth birthday and you were DETERMINED to spend it with your Mom, even if it meant that you’d have to pay for it later… or sooner. _

_ You got up and dressed, then you brushed the short amount of hair you had and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. After some practice a few months back, you’d learned how to fry eggs, make pancakes, cook pasta, and sometimes if you were feeling brave you’d have a go at making a pie, but there was never a flavour that really caught your interest. _

_ Your favourite food to cook was luckily something that mom liked as well, a cup of hot chocolate (a treat that you had to save up for yourself) and a plate of spaghetti with a sauce that you’d make yourself, and even Mom once said that it was nice. You almost cried when Mom told you that. Almost. _

_ You decided that you would make a special spaghetti brunch that you and Mom would eat together. Or at least in the same room, you hoped. _

“ _ What do you think you’re doing!?” Mom asks as she walks into the kitchen. You hastily wright a note explaining that since it’s your birthday you were making a spaghetti brunch for you to eat together. Please. _

_ “… No, I don’t care, you can make a brunch if you want but I will NOT be eating it with you. You are just an  _ **_EMPTY MONSTER, you do not have feelings nor will I stand for this act of sadness! YOU DON’T MATTER!_ ** _ ” You can’t help it, tears well up in your eyes and you can’t hide the little sniffle that you make. _

_ You can practically see Mom’s eyes turn into mini fires that want only to burn you out of her life. You cry. You just can’t help it, and you know that it’ll just make her worse but right now the only thing that you can see or hear are the pictures in your mind of the past but then there is the constant humming of your mind struggling to stay focused on the present and slowly everything comes back. _

_ You stop crying, now you’re just looking into Mom’s eyes in a silent plea for mercy. You think about how people always say that help will come when you call for it and prepare yourself to speak. _

_ “H-help…p-pl-please….h-help..!” You manage to croak out in a small voice, and you try to stand in a way that makes you look brave. _

**_B U T N O B O D Y C A M E._ **

_ === Back to the present === _

Shaking your head to rid yourself of the painful memories, you get up and go through your plan again while getting dressed.

  1. Get up at 7:30 and ware your favourite striped sweater that the nice old lady at the book store gave you a year ago. Its way to big but you like it that way.
  2. Double check that you have everything you need in your little backpack. The last of your money to get a bus to the bottom of mount Ebott, two apples, a spare jumper that was identical to the one you were going to ware, a small band aid just in case, and a little notebook for you to write in to communicate with people who don’t know sign language.
  3. Eat a small bowl of cereal while writing a note to mom.



_ ‘I am sorry that I was a monster and not the daughter you wanted, and sorry that I was such a big mistake. And so I’ve decided to do us both a favour and disappear, we both know that you never wanted me, I don’t blame you, I don’t blame anyone for this except myself. But I realise that I can’t be a full monster or I’d look like one, wouldn’t I? No, I think that I must be half a monster, half a human, but I don’t want to be human. You have taught me that humans are just as evil as monsters, just as merciless to those weaker than you. I am half of the person Frisk and half of another, a monster that has no known name yet.  _ **_And I know that if I stayed then I’d die anyway, wouldn’t I? So it’s best to get the inevitable over with quickly in my opinion. Goodbye for the first and last time. I’m sorry that it had to be this way. I A M S O S O R R Y._ **

  1. Get on a bus that goes to the mountain and if anyone asks why then write a note saying that you’re just meeting a friend there.
  2. Disappear.



As you walk to the kitchen to make some scrambled eggs, you see a note on the table.

‘ _ Hey, brat, don’t even think about eating today. I can’t afford to keep buying so much food. You know that monsters don’t need to eat, nor do they feel anything so you don’t have any excuses! I’ll be back at 10 PM. Then I’m packing my bag and leaving for two days, you can have ONE egg, TWO glasses of water and a bowl of cereal while I’m gone. I’ll know if you have anything more than that!’ _

Perfect. You take no notice to the warning of not to eat anything and carefully take out a single egg from the very back of the fringe and move some things around to make it look like nothing is missing. You crack the egg into a frying pan and wait ‘til it’s ready to eat.

After eating and washing up, you go outside of the apartment building and watch as cars go by, counting the different colours and guessing what the clouds could look like. By the time you decide to go back inside, it’s already 3 PM.

Lately you’d been out of school as much as in, sometimes because you needed to wait for bruises and cuts to heal. Other times you just couldn’t deal with school at the moment, whether it was because of home or just feeling too unstable. The school had called a few times asking what was wrong but of course you couldn’t say anything so eventually you just grew tired of the ringing and put all the phones on mute, like you. Stuck on the mute setting of life. No voice to speak and no way of contact until the sound was back on and the consisting hum of life was back, but that would never happen. You're living a life of muted, forgotten colors left over from lives better than yours.

_ === Past year at school === _

_ In the past year at school, Lens, Tiffany, and Lola had taken any chance they got to hurt you physically, mentally, and in any way there was. In assemblies, Lens makes sure that you're always at the back of the hall, where none of the teachers notice a little child being half choked and having their arms bent the wrong way. Every break time, Lola and Tiffany take you ‘round the back of the school and force you to wear a blindfold. Then they would come up behind you with a kick, slap, and punch or whack you with a big stick. But lunchtime would always be the worse. _

_ The school was very low-budget and the teachers and parents were always busy. Those two factors combined made for an unsupervised lunchtime. _

_ Lens, Lola, and Tiffany would pin your arms behind you and get all the kids to gather around for the show. ‘The Mute Show’, it was called. _

_ Everyone knew you as the kid who was the ‘property’ of Lens, Lola, and Tiffany, so no one tried to help you, in fear that they’d be picked on as well. _

_ In the ‘Mute Show’ Lola would tie your hands around the pole of the basketball stand and Tiffany made sure that there were no teachers around who had decided to check up on the kids. They hardly ever did. Then once everyone was organised and ready to watch, Lens picked out a few people to come and ‘help’ him with the ‘show’. _

_ The way it worked was that kids would pay money to try and make you cry, and so, every lunchtime, five or six people would come up to you (Who was helpless to what was to happen) and hurt you in so many ways, but the few times that you had cried were because of brutal things like being forced unconscious then woken again by kicks and slaps. Once a rough looking boy had brought a knife with him and slowly cut across your arms and legs. That was the worst time. _

_ But, as always, crying just made it all worse. They got encouraged when you finally snapped and gave into the waves of agony that you were forced to take. Though sometimes, when you were DETERMINED, you could hold back the tears and you could just block them all out until it was over and you were free to leave. _

_ ========== _

A knock at the door woke you from your wandering memories.

There was someone at the door and it couldn’t be mom since she had a key nor did you even know anyone that knew where you lived. You opened the door and there was a tall woman standing there wearing a formal suit and holding a clipboard with a cheery smile and bright eyes.

“Why, hello, you must be Frisk?” Slowly you nod your head wondering where this was going, “Well then, Frisk, my name is Lisa, and my job is to make sure that kids like you are doing ok.”

You just stand there, it’s not like you can say anything so you decide to see if this Lisa can understand sign language.

_ ‘Hello. I’m doing fine, thank you’. _

To your surprise she nods her head and says, “Yes, I heard that you didn’t speak and I was just wondering if you could maybe let me come inside and have a quick chat with you and your mom?”

‘ _ No, I don’t think you can, Mom is out and I’m fine, so please leave’ _

For a second you think that Lisa’s expression goes cold but a second later you’re sure that you imagined it.

“I see, well then, Frisk, here is my number, so please call me if you ever need someone to talk t- … Oh well I’m sure you can have your mom talk to us for you.” She looks rather sheepish now and you finally realise what that expression is. She really doesn’t want to be here does she? * _ No, she really doesn’t.* _

For a split second you’re surprised at the answer that your head gave you but you guess that you were probably crazy anyway. * _ No, you’re not*. _

Lisa sees you inwardly battling and tries to touch your shoulder.

You jump backwards and look up at Lisa with fear. Was she going to hurt you? * _ Yes. She’s human and humans are evil*. _

You hastily sign, ‘ _ Sorry, I have to go now, goodbye.’  _ and close the door before she can protest.

* _ Hello, Frisky~~* _

_‘Who are you, voice?’_ You ask.

_ *That is information that you will find out when you climb the mountain, Frisky~~* _

You decide that you can wait for that and go to check the time. It’s 6:30 pm.

You sigh and change into your pyjamas. They are blue and are covered top to bottom with little pictures of bones.

_ *Why don’t you take them with you? They could be useful.* _

For a bit you ponder on whether you should take the voice’s advice. In the end you decide that when you get up tomorrow, you’ll make sure to pack the pyjamas as well.

‘ _ Thanks.’ _ You think but there is no reply.

You go to the bathroom and roll up your pyjama legs to put a bandage over the cuts. You decide to pack the scissors as well.

_ *Hey, Frisk? Can I ask you something?*  _ The voice asks

_ ‘…. Depends, what is it about?’ _

_ *Well… I just don’t understand why you hurt yourself when you get enough injuries from others.* _

You don’t know that yourself, so how should you answer? Then it hits you why you hurt yourself.

‘ _ There are many reasons, voice, sometimes it is to get rid of the pain from other injuries, sometimes I just want to know that I can still feel…. But …..Most times it’s because I know that I deserve the pain. After all I am half a monster and half a human and humans as we know are evil aren’t they?’  _ You pause for a moment before continuing.  _ ‘And so I have come to the conclusion that I must be the most evil and that I deserve the pain, and I will now make this promise.’  _ You are DETERMINED to say the promise out loud and you ready yourself.

You start off with a wracking cough.  **“I… Frisk… pr-promise that I will never** **FIGHT** **back when I am attacked, and… and-”** You cough again. **“-that I will….. Always give** **MERCY** **to those-”** The next cough scratches your throat. **“-who deserve it…”** You say this all in a very small voice but knowing that someone out there in the universe has heard you, it fills you with DETERMINED to keep your promise.

Suddenly you fall to the floor in a coughing fit.

**And everything goes dark.**

=== 10 pm ===

“GET UP BRAT, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING ON THE FLOOR PASSED OUT?!” Mom is shouting and you hastily get up, not wanting to upset her more than you already do.

‘I had a coughing fit, I’m sorry.’

Mom never really tried to learn sign language only the words that she thought were useful for her to know that you were saying. Things like ‘sorry’ or ‘yes Mom’ and generally anything that told her you were obeying her. You think that Mom knows you’ve said sorry but she still doesn’t understand why you were on the floor.

**“Five”** Oh no! She's counting! You ready yourself for what’s about to come.

**“Four”** NO NO NO NO NO!!! You know it’s no use to try and run.

**“Three”** she’s raising her hand. You squeeze your eyes shut, not wanting to see her face while she hurts you.

**“Two”** You know what her expression will be. Pure content and entertainment is what you see in her eyes every time she hurts you.  **E V E R Y T I M E** .

**“** **ONE!** **”**

**T H E B L O W S C O M E L I K E R A I N .**

 

**_You have never known mercy before._ **

**_Nor do you think that you will._ **

**_In the end even your shadow leaves you in the dark._ **

**_But you know that there will always be pain no matter what happens, PAIN will always find you._ **

**_Everything goes black._ **

==========

**Frisk, wake up. You have to stay DETERMINED.**

You open your eyes and are surprised to find that you’re on the floor of the bathroom again. You look at the clock, 9:30 pm.

How on earth..?

Maybe, just maybe the world heard your promise and decided to give you another chance?

_ *You should get to bed before your mom gets back.* _

_ ‘Yeah… I will’ _

You get up and go to your room after putting back the bandages and turning all the lights off. As you’re getting into bed, you hear the door open and close, you close your eyes pretending to be asleep when you’re door creaks open and a line of light spills into the room.

“Night brat, have bad dreams” Mom says to your supposedly sleeping form.

“…Good-good bye….M-mom” the words were out of your mouth before you even thought of saying them. You look over to Mom whose expression is one of pure shock and confusion at your sudden outburst of speech. It doesn’t last long though and soon she has her usual look of hatred for you back and she slams the door shut.

You can hear her leaving and when you’re sure that she gone, you finally let yourself sleep.

===

**SLAZ ZLL QBZA OVD KLALYTPULK FBV YLSSF HYL MYPZR.**

===

You wake up with the feeling of being watched. But you take no notice and start to go through with the beginning of your plan.

You get dressed and wear the blue and purple striped sweater that you love, a pair of blue shorts with pale tights, and your sole set of shoes. Then you make sure that you have everything packed and fold up your pyjamas to fit in your bag. After eating some cereal and sticking your note to the table, you take one last look and leave the apartment building.

While you’re on the bus you think about how your life lead up to… this. Why did this happen? How did it happen?

No. You didn’t need to think about that, all you needed to think about was disappearing.

“Hey. What’s a kid like you going to Mt. Ebott for?” Asks the bus driver as you ring the bell for the bus to stop at the base of the mountain.

Quickly you get your pen and paper out to write a note explaining that you’re just ‘meeting’ a friend there.

The driver doesn’t look convinced but lets you off anyway. There is a path of bright golden flowers that lead up the mountain and they somehow feel familiar even though you know that you’ve never seen any flower like that before. You feel like you’re a magnet being pulled to the path, and for a while everything is hazy until you hear a twig snap and you look around disoriented. You had somehow come to the mouth of a large cave where the path of flowers stopped, on the ground in front of you was a long stick that was snapped in half, you pick up one and carefully put the other to the side.

‘Your twin will be above the ground and other shall be within it’ you think to the two sticks as you walk into the cave.

There in the middle is a giant hole, one that no one would miss but is easy to fall into.

**This is it.**

**Time to disappear.**

**Time to end this pointless life and start again.**

**“G O O D B Y E .”** You say as you stand with the balls of your feet to the edge of the hole and fall backwards into it.

**The crack echoed through the mountain.**

**B U T . I T . R E F U S E D .**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about my grammar, English is my first language but please understand that I am in secondary school and I have never been good at grammar, so to solve this problem i'm going to see if any of my friends that are good with fixing mistakes will be willing to read through my work and correct any mistakes that they find.
> 
> So hear, *shoves chapter 2 in face*
> 
> Cipher translation: LETS SEE JUST HOW DETERMINED YOU REALLY ARE FRISK.
> 
> And one last thing, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 44 KUDOS!!! I seriously never dreamed that anyone would like this! So thank you everyone!
> 
> I'll probably have chapter three out by around the 24 to 26 depending on what happens in my life. So sorry before hand if it's late!  
> Also one last, last thing, for the Easter holidays I wont be able to post anything for most of it because ill be going camping with one of my cousin for the first week, then depending how I feel Ill be visiting my (annoying) little sister in Wales then going to see my dad for the last few days.
> 
> OK change of plan i'm really sorry but i wont be able to update for the holidays because of family issues and many other things that have turned my life to shit. next chapter will be around the first day after the holidays thanks for maybe understanding.


	3. Darker and darker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk meets Chara and they hear a new voice, one that isn't so welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have not had any replies to my friends in wanting to beta read but luckily TheyDroveMeMad has took the post and I can't be more grateful :-)
> 
> Sorry this Chapter is shorter then the past two, I'm probably only going to get out chapter that are around 2000-2500-2700 words long because of school, homework and as always problems in life but I will try to fit in more time if able.
> 
> I need people to know that I am only in year 8 and I am so surprised that my writing has been read by even one person let alone all of you and I am so happy! thank you!!! But I am going through some very difficult things at the moment and it may delay chapters at random times. Thank you.
> 
> On a happier note, I have chapter 4-5 planned out on notes and have a rough idea of future chapters but I often find that I just go with the flow and write what I am thinking.

Your head is pounding and everything is blurry, it looks like there’s someone standing over you but you can’t be sure.

 _*Hey Frisky?! Come on, wake up, I’m not gonna wait all day for your lazy bones to get up! *_ It’s the voice! Slowly you blink a few times then sit up to see a child standing there, she is about an inch taller then you and wearing a green sweater with a single yellow stripe across it. They have the same short brown hair as you and red eyes but if you look closely you can see a tint of brown in them too. Their eyes remind you of something…. Or rather someone.

“Hey… uh so I’m the voice who talked to you in your head Frisk… umm hi.” For a moment you just stare until you realize that there waiting for you to answer.

‘Hi’ you sign.

You nod in understanding and reach out a hand to help you up, you take it and stand up.

“So… you wanted to know my name right?” you nod then see that they look sort of misty.

‘Wait, how come I can kind of see through you?!’

“Uhhh well…. First of my name is Chara, second I’m uhhh basically….. Dead, but since our souls are really similar… you can see me… well I think that’s how it works.” You look at them baffled, they were dead!? What did they mean by souls? And were where you? You had so many questions but the more you thought about all this the more confused you got.

“Hey Frisky, snap out of it!” Chara says as she snaps her fingers past your eyes, bringing you back to… where ever you were.

‘Were are we?’ you ask, looking around for the first time to see that you’re fall had been seemingly broken by a bed of the bright golden flowers ,that you’d seen whilst climbing the mountain, across the room was a hallway and you can just make out the figure of a large door.

*sigh* “Frisk, we are in the underground, the place where monsters were trapped in, and I know that it’s hard to believe but… well yeah here we are…. Umm let’s just sit down for a bit and I’ll explain some things ok Frisky?” You don’t know what to do, everything has happened so fast, after a minute you nod your head and sit down on the soft flowers facing Chara. There’s something about her that makes you feel calm.

‘I don’t understand how you’re dead but only I can see you since our… souls? Are similar?’

“Uhhhh well I’ll explain about SOULS later, for now all you need to know is that down hear monsters will want to kill you for your SOUL so you’ll need to fight them” you know that you won’t be able to fight anything but somehow Chara is being nice to you like you were… Friends?

‘Hey Chara? Can we be… Friends? Please?’ You know that it’s stupid but you have to know if she is being nice because they care or if it’s just some prank.

“Well do you want to be… friends?” you nod your head and stand up, she offers her hand for you to hold. You decide to ask the question that has been nagging at you since you met Chara.

'Why? … Why are you being so nice to me? I am half a monster half a human and yet you are nice to me… why?' Chara looks at you and gestures to sit down, you do so and Chara says something that you were not prepared for.

“Because I, like you am half a monster… and monsters are not like humans... well most of them at least. Monsters are made of pure kindness and love, were as humans are evil and merciless… as we know. And we are special, we are the angles from above, the ones of the prophecy.” Chara continues with their eyes down cast and says what you believe is the prophecy in a tone that you can’t really describe.

“ _The Angle… The one who has seen the surface… They will return. And the underground will go empty.”_ You don’t how to react. You are not an angle **. No, you are a demon**.

“Frisk, I am the first angle that came to the underground and when you came here you took the place of the angle that returned. We are so alike that we are the same in being and soul. We will either save the underground or destroy it. Two sides of the same coin and one of us will decide the fate of this world. I am the FIGHT and you are the MERCY, and deep down you know that it is true.”

You can feel tears start to build up, about to spill over, but you blink them away and try to fight the flood of emotions that are going through you even though you try so hard not to feel and to numb yourself from everything but pain. You’re coughing and everything is blurry again, you feel yourself go limp and hear the muffled words of Chara until… Everything went **dark**.

 

**===**

**PU AOL LUK UVAOPUN DPSS THAALY, HUK FVB RUVD PA.**

**===**

 

Flowers. Golden flowers paint your dreams but the peace is short lived, blood is stained on the once sun like meadow of flowers then screams of monster, freak and evil play over again and again and **again** until you awake screaming and it’s all you can do not to cry. You breathe in and out deeply and after five minutes finally notice that you are not in any place you recognize. You are lying on a bed in a room that is clearly meant for a child, you sit up and look around.

“Hey there, are you alright Frisky?” Chara is standing in the door way looking at you with concern.

‘Yeah I’m fine, what happened?’ you sign in complete confusion.

“Well, after you blacked out I tried to wake you but you wouldn’t so I just sat next to you until mom- I mean Toriel came by, she saw you unconscious on the ground and carried you here. Toriel is a goat monster and this is her house.” Chara seems to be a bit upset but gives you a reassuring smile. It’s not fake. **Oh but it isn’t real either is it?**

‘Can we go back please, I’d like to see the ruins’. Chara looks to cheer up considerably. You stand up and walk to the door way, for the first time you realize that you’re still wearing your bag and you take it out to get a drink of water. How long ago was it that you left home? **She didn’t care though, did she? No, she couldn’t stand the sight of you.**

As you put the water back Chara takes your hand and pulls you out into a hug.

“Thank you” they whisper “Thank you for falling to me” you are confused even more now as Chara pulls away and gives you a warm smile as they lead you out of the house, you aren’t paying attention and as you walk outside, trip on a step and fall.

“Hey are you ok?” Chara says as they pull you up.

‘Yeah, I’m just a bit dizzy’. You sign. You wish that you could just go to sleep and never wake up.  **Well that would be better for every one wouldn't it?** You decide to ignore this new voice as best you can and refocus on the world around you.

“Hey can I try something please?” you nod and Chara floats behind you and puts their arms around your middle, it feels as if you’re weightless and you take a step forward to find that you’re looking at yourself.

“Don’t worry, I just switched our…beings so that I will be controlling your body and you will have my form so that you can have a rest and not have to walk around so much.” Chara says with your body giving you a smile. You don’t know how you ~~feel~~ , you mean if you want this or not.

‘Chara, if you wouldn’t mind I would like it if we could switch back please’. You sign and immediately regret it as her smile fades and they nod.

‘Thank you for the other though, I really appreciated it and maybe we could do it another time.’ At this Chara gives you a small smile and in a blink of an eye you’re looking at them from your own eyes.

“It’s ok, I should have explained and asked if you were ok with it first…. Let’s move on now.” They say as they grab your hand and start to walk away from the house. **They blame themselves for what was YOUR fault, how unworthy of their kindness you are.**

You walk past a big black tree that looks to be dead but there are freshly fallen red leaves all around it on the floor. The next room has two ways to go so you decide to go left first and see a frog like monster looking at you.

“That’s a monster, it’s a Froggit there quite harmless really but you’d better kill it to be on the safe side.” You can’t believe what they just said, kill it? No you couldn’t ever do that. Right? **Well you did promise didn’t you? And you don’t want to be a dirty promise breaker do you?** No you really don’t.

‘But I can’t hurt or kill anyone! I won’t. Please.’ You sign and Chara looks at you for a bit until they seem to have decided something and they pull you towards Froggit.

“OK we’ll try it your way then, engage a battle so I can teach you some shit.” She seems surprised that you aren’t phased by them swearing and you just shrug then walk up to Froggit until you’re just a meter apart. Suddenly you feel a warm sensation in your chest and a crimson red heart floats out in front of you. It’s beautiful. **Yes,**   **t** **wo beautiful for you.**

“Ok Frisky let’s get this going, see that heart? That is your soul, the very culmination of your being.” Chara pauses checking that you understood, you nod and continue to stare fixedly at your soul. You can’t help but ~~feel~~ a sense of Déjà vu.

“Well, your soul is really weak at first and I mean like a baby, no offence, but you can get stronger if you get enough LV, LV stands for LOVE.” You know strait away that LOVE is nothing like love and you know that you won’t like it. **Aww! But you want some LOVE don’t you?** No you really don’t.

“When you collect enough EXP you gain LV and as you get more and more LV you get more and more strong. You get LV and EXP when you kill a monster, when a monster dies it turns to dust so don’t worry about hiding bodies or anything.” You can’t help the disgusted look that flashes across your face and is not unnoticed by Chara.

‘I am not going to kill anyone Chara, please don’t make me.’ You sign and she just sighs and nods in understanding.

“Ok, Ok I won’t make you. There are other ways to end a fight, you can befriend monsters by using the right actions. You see your soul is in a big box isn’t it? Look at those buttons, select ACT and do as you please but before that I need you to know that you can and probably will get hurt when it is a monsters turn in a FIGHT because they will attack you with no mercy until you befriend or dust them so remember to move your soul to doge the attacks.” You decide to try and move your soul, to your surprise it’s quite easy as it moves to were ever you think of it to go. Left, right, forward, back and diagonal.

ACT     *Check     *Flirt     *Compliment

‘You look very nice today’ you sign, hoping that monsters new sign language.

*Froggit didn’t understand what you said, but was flattered any way.

The box that your soul is in gets bigger and little white fly shaped… things shoot around at a medium pace, it’s quite easy to doge but one catches you of guard and just under the box you see for the first time what you guess is your health which is now at 16/20. Four damage.

*Froggit seems reluctant to fight

“You can use MERCY now to end the fight and spare the Froggit. You can spare a monster when their name turns yellow.” Chara explains and you nod with a small smile.

MERCY     *Spare     *Flee

Froggit accepts your MERCY and leaves you two gold, you smile a thanks and the Froggit jumps off. Your soul returns to your chest and everything comes back into view properly. You ~~feel~~ a sense of triumph.

‘Let’s move on?’ you ask and Chara nods giving you a smile. It’s real.

“Well done Frisky! Let’s go.” You ~~feel~~ happier then you have in years at hearing the proud in Chara’s voice. Do you have feelings? **Why don’t you ask them, either way they’ll think your weird so why does it matter?** Please stop it.

In the next room is a balcony that stands over a lifeless city of dark.

*Looking over the abandoned city filled with darkness, it fills you with DETERMINATION* A little yellow star appears and by instinct you reach out to touch it, everything but you and Chara is still and silent.

*SAVE     *RETURN     you can feel your “HP replenish” as Chara states it and the world moves again. But just as you though that things were looking up you can feel yourself go rigid and your mind fill with echoes of screams from all around you.

 

And everything goes **DARK, DARKER AND DARKER.**

**==========**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *28/4/16* OK WAIT A SECOND! I have recently decided to change Chara and Frisk's 'genders' to female, I hope that nobody is upset with this but upon contemplating my plans I feel that with them being female some things will be easier for me to write. 28/4/16*
> 
> Thank you all for 87 kudos!!!!!!!! I can't believe that you guys like my trash ;-) 
> 
> Cipher answer: In the end nothing will matter, and you know it.
> 
> *Crawls back into trash can for another millennial*


	4. Auther's note

I'm sorry for not updating for who knows how long but i'm afraid that I am abandoning this fic, i've just had a lot going on and I find it hard to get much inspiration or good mood for writing.  
If anyone wants you can ask to carry this fic on, just tell me k?

Thanks to everyone who stayed with this, sorry again.

I might make a new fic or just randomly post one shots or stuff like that when I feel like it though, but I just can't write this story anymore. Bye.


End file.
